For four long years, a palpable silence hung between my eldest son, Vincent, and me—a silence forged by words that cut deeper than anticipated. It began with hurtful remarks during a tumultuous period when I was striving to support him in his endeavors. In response, I made the difficult decision to sever ties, stating plainly that I would not engage until an apology was offered—a gesture I believed would signify growth.

However, life has a curious way of testing our resolve. As my husband and I was heading out to a convention, he received a phone call. On the speakerphone, Vincent’s voice, trembled as he relayed a harrowing tale of a car accident on the freeway. I guess my maternal instincts kicked in as I felt my son’s pain. I extended a hand of aid, breaking the silence that had enveloped us for far too long.

Vincent was seeking assistance with his car and we had it towed to my house. Our ensuing conversation revealed glimpses of growth on his part, although it was clear that he still had progress to make. I offered forgiveness, expressing thatit had been granted long before, though I had been waiting for him to demonstrate personal growth—a sentiment he seemed to understand, albeit reluctantly.

He recounted his experiences over the past four years, predominantly focusing on the negative aspects and his voice cracked with emotion, tears flowing freely as he shared his struggles and regrets. In that moment, I reached out and embraced him. It saddened me to witness his struggles, particularly his reluctance to let go of grievances and his tendency to view himself as a victim. I attempted to provide perspective by sharing elements of my own upbringing, emphasizing the transformative power of forgiveness and the importance of taking accountability for one’s actions.

Though an explicit apology remained elusive, our conversation marked a significant step forward in our relationship. It signified a willingness to communicate and a recognition of the complexities inherent in the journey toward reconciliation. While Vincent may still have a ways to go in terms of personal growth, I remain hopeful that our renewed connection will serve as a catalyst for positive change.

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

~Maya Angelou