I thought I woke up on Christmas Day, only to find myself being choked in what I guess is sleep paralysis. Everything was in color, except for the man who was void of any color, almost as if I was seeing him in black and white. He stood at the foot of my bed with his long arm extended and his hand around my neck. He came at me closer, and as I tried to free myself from his grasp with my hand, I saw his unfamiliar, angry, and frightful face, contrary to what I have read on the internet about these faceless shadow creatures. I did not know this man, but if I were to put a description on him, I would say he looked like an angry Spud from Trainspotting. Spud was the dim-witted drug addict in Trainspotting who soiled his bed after a binge. Maybe this was my brain telling me that it was sick of all the shit going on around me. Whatever it was, it was a disturbing experience I wish not to repeat. This story reminds me of my mom’s experience. When she was a kid, she woke up and saw a lady in white roaming around the house. This lady, too, had no color.

I told my friend Luna about the dream, and I could tell she was a bit freaked out. She believes in ghosts. Luna, Brandon, and I went to Vegas a few days after Christmas and stopped by the Calico ghost town. We also visited the original Del Taco off Route 66. It was Luna’s first trip to Vegas, and it would have been Sezar’s first trip too had he still been with us. Well, at least we carried him in our hearts.

After Vegas, we drove straight to Sezar’s wake on New Year’s Eve. He was dressed in white with a red rosary around his neck and two red roses on his chest. He looked like he had found some kind of peace that only his God could give him.

I stood in front of him and held his cold hands for a while just to solidify his absence. I don’t know why, but it felt like I was closing a circle. His mother, of course, was focused on his body, weeping over it as if he were still there. I would not have traded places with her for the world.