So I’m still here. Still working at the same dead end job. Still trying to get out. It’s just crazy how women are speaking out more about inequality, and how men are still moving ahead. The “boy’s club” has not been phased. Institutions, much like the one I work for, still give lip service to women empowerment and their support to equality while in practice there isn’t much progress. It’s just a show. I am seriously thinking of getting out of this field altogether, which is a shame because I really love technology. The only reason why I haven’t left is because I’ve been here too long and that’s all potential employers see. It doesn’t matter that I have military background, background in law, was able to adapt to different settings. Most potential employers hire with blinders on, looking for experience and not ability, or at least expecting that from women. I believe it’s harder for a woman to get hired, especially in tech, because men expect more from women and are more forgiving with other men. For instance, I applied to a position where I had all the skills and experience except on one program, and the interviewer was STUCK on me not having experience on that one program, which was not even hard! When I tried to explain that I had transferable skills and the ability to learn it quickly it was like talking to a wall. However, if it had been a man I am sure he would not have focused so much on having that firsthand experience. Such was the case with ex-coworker who hijacked my idea to cross-train and stole my mentor. He had zero experience while I had certificates under my belt. He didn’t even have the interest until he copied mine. Yet, he was able to move ahead and join the club based on his potential.
I have actually been asked to maybe be a guest in a podcast to discuss my experience on how women are treated in the male dominated tech field. I still have to think about it. I am a little apprehensive because it still feels so raw and painful. What makes it even worst is the fact that nothing is being done about it. No progress. No help. Still here.
What keeps me going right now is all the work I have been doing with my union, UPTE-CWA. We are in a struggle and fight to protect worker’s rights and provide them with a living wage. What really bothers me is when I come across members who are complacent, ignorant, or just indifferent.
“The opposite of love, it’s been pointed out, is not hate. It is indifference” ~Rabbi Benjamin Blech
I am not sure they understand the ramifications on how much the cuts will affect their livelihood. I don’t think they get that 2% cost of living is not going to keep up with inflation. Nor do they understand the politics of those on top working to erode their pensions. (Regent Chair Kieffer voted for the risky 401(k) Opt-out plan that would be administered by Fidelity, his own law firm’s client). It’s quite scary meeting anti-union members who are so ignorant as to believe that real facts are scare tactics and conspiracy theories, and who see the union as not an entity to protect them but as a tax collector just “stealing” away their hard earnings. Instead of recognizing us as working people just like them, looking out to protect each other, they see us as the enemy. Even when I say I am not getting paid and that we are a member run union, these people just don’t get it. It’s like talking to a Trumpster! Then there are the ones who claim to be sympathetic, but refuse to take action. They seem to believe that they can survive by letting others do the work. What keeps me going is definitely a struggle, and sometimes I wonder why the hell am I fighting so hard?
What keeps me going? I believe it’s when I find people who understand the fight and are ready to to take a stand with me. It’s such a high when it happens. I can’t explain how uplifting it is when I come across someone who gets it. It’s like welcoming social grace back into the world. Grace is the opposite of greed. It’s by grace I want to keep living.
If one was to look up the meaning of my name it is said to mean the grace of God. Maybe I need to hold onto that meaning as it embodies my own identity.
Still trying. Still fighting for what I believe in. Still breathing.
And by grace,
Still here.
https://youtu.be/DM02ZP13fPk