A few days ago I drank coffee, and I am still feeling the crash. I should learn from my mistakes, but after a while I forget, especially when the coffee is free. No matter how early in the morning I drink it, I get wired and tired, but I stay up all night. Note to self: don’t do it!

This year has been very busy. Last week I worked an event where I volunteered for Process Palooza as one of the AV coordinators. I think I spent more time stressing over it then anything. The actual event was a piece of cake. On top of all that, I am taking a cybersecurity program which covers a lot of reading. I finished all the labs and have been running ahead of the class. I also joined a cyber club for Cyber Skyline. I need to scrape up more time to put into it, but we will see how it goes.

On top of all that, I reconfigured my room to work like a studio with a switcher and kvm. I built my own NAS with an Orange Pi 5 and Orico storage bay and used Proxmox for my own personal data center. I also made a Hash Monster on an esp32 developer kit, and I have a list of other projects plus a new blog I want to get started where I can document it all since there’s a lot of wonky documentation out there. I can barely keep up with this blog, I wonder how this other one will go.

Did I mention I was selected as a recipient to the internet2 scholarship which means I will be having to attend a conference in Atlanta sometime in May. In June I have to go to Vegas for Cisco Live, and the night before that I will be at Thrill Kill Concert. Not long after, I will be flying out to France for an Annual Masquerade at the Palace of Versailles, and then Prague two weeks later. Defcon in August is still up in the air.

Just looking at my planner makes me dizzy. Somewhere in all the dizziness, I have managed to schedule in the Lotus Program where I can take a break with mystics and magicians from the Blue Sky Ranch community nestled in the foothills of East County close to an Open Space Preserve. A couple of people classified me as more magician than mystic. When asked what I wanted to get out of the program, and I responded with nothing, I’ll figure it out as I go along. I just go with the flow. I’ve learned that when I have nothing to lose, I have everything to gain.

If you define “Magic” as ideas that you just manifest then I guess I am a magician, but you can’t manifest without some kind of sacrifice. I believe we are all Magicians and Mystics, but I am still sorting out what that means in my own journey through the spiritual wilderness. I do know that I need to add more pause in my life because it’s easy to get caught up in my head and in all the projects I have going on. Sometimes I demand too much off myself, I think. I am still in the Diamond League of Dualingo and have been there since I’ve started.

One day, I will let it go, but right now my ego is holding on to the belief that I need to always be on top of everything. One day, I’ll let that stubborn ego go.

My beliefs dictate my ego. My values guide my heart.

I must remember that.

Starting tomorrow, I’ll get back to my yoga mat. It has been calling me for a while now. I have to find the balance between my body and my mind. If I feed that power back into my life maybe I won’t be so tired.