Today is my “birthday” and it blows. My heart is still broken and there’s no way to quicken this grief no matter how hard I’ve tried. An outpour of birthday wishes and condolences from family and friends have brought me some comfort. Also, the best husband ever has showered me with gifts. I told him not to get me food or sweets as I have yet no appetite, and he listened.
I know I need to do better with the loved ones who are still here. I spent some extra time playing with Katniss and Maki today. I also placed my birthday flowers on Aegon’s grave. I know the bones under that earth are not him, and I wonder why we do such things. I read that ancient greeks began that practice thousands of years ago to honor fallen warriors. They believed that if flowers rooted in the ground and grew from the gravesite it was a sign that the fallen had found peace. I don’t know if these flowers will root, but I want to believe that my warrior cat, Aegon, has found peace. So I place those flowers, symbolic of my husband’s love, on the burial site of my sweet Eggy. May he rest in peace and may our love reach him in the after-life until we join him there.
I visited my youngest sis and helped her walk Beau since she was still working on a design project. She knew Eggy, and I felt comfort knowing she shared some of my grief. Maki yapped so much on the walk to the park, but Beau was very well behaved except for this brief instance where he pulled on the leash while my husband was distracted, making him drop his new phone on the ground. Luckily it was protected by a case so it did not break. Thank goodness for warranties just in case.
Kids were playing on the playground. I got to see a beautiful view overlooking Mission Valley. The night sparkled with lights and life. For a brief moment I was able to stop obsessing over my loss. I know as the days go on those moments will stretch, but no matter what, I will always carry Eggy in my heart along with George, Haley, Buster, my daddy lolo, and others I have lost along the way. I asked my sister if she believes that we would be reunited with those we love after death and she replied with great faith and without any hesitation, “Yes.” I’ll take it.