This week has been extremely hard on me, and I am feeling so broken. I have PTSD from my first marriage after having my husband cheat on me with a woman whom I thought was my friend. This week felt like a repeat.

Three weeks ago one of my girlfriends, a recovering alcoholic, got kicked out of her mother’s house. We were playing D&D online when it happened. She admitted she was drinking vodka to me while she told everyone else it was just a few beers. She started drunk texting people, men. Her toddler was with her, but I assumed was asleep. I was disappointed in her and told her that was not the way to go, then at the end of the night I went to bed. When I woke up I was alarmed to see that she had moved into my house. I found it odd that she never called or messaged me about it, but instead went straight for my husband to be rescued. He is a good man with a kind heart so he took her in immediately without even talking to me about it. I was upset, but I let it go because I trusted him.

Then, as the days passed it seemed like they would talk more often without me in the picture. He would often leave his work desk to be in the same room with her. I caught him rubbing coconut oil on her legs. I called him out on how inappropriate that was and he said he wouldn’t do it again. Yet, he continued to hang out with her without me, even going with her to the swim spa. I saw an emotional affair unravel before my eyes, and the boundaries being blurred. My heart sank and I tried to communicate with my husband my concerns. He told me nothing was going on and there was nothing to be concerned about.

Then came the birthday party. Her son had just turned three. We came back to my home after the party and I told her to clean up her son’s toys. I noticed she was taking more and more things from her storage into my home and I called her out on it. She got angry and disappeared as my husband and I were watching her son, putting one of his toys together. She came back with alcohol and said she would just have one beer which was against my rules for her being there. Knowing how I felt about it, she ignored me and went ahead and drank. She asked me and my husband to join her, and I declined. My husband did not. Never drink with an alcoholic.

Later, she was sitting in our back yard shit-faced wasted off her ass. My husband and I were watching a show on Netflix and he kept looking out the door towards her. He ran from my side to be with her, abandoning me, his own wife. I looked at the empty space next to me where he once sat and I felt sick. I had to follow him out there to see what was going on. She cried and had a self-pity party on how she never had a home and how hard life was for her. I tried to share my own experiences with her to remind her that she wasn’t alone, that I too can relate, but she dismissed it and made everything about her. It became a competition to her on how much worse off she had it. It was pathetic. It was selfish. It was a manipulation game she played on men to rescue her, and my husband ended up on her list of knights in shining armor she had wrapped around her finger. When she put him on that list she crossed the line.

I heard from her mother the whole story on why she was kicked out. It turns out it was because she got pissed drunk with three young children at her home and when her mother confronted and scolded her, she fought back by beating on her own mom so bad that one of the kids had to beg her to stop, crying, “please don’t kill her, she is old,” but this is not the story she tells. She doesn’t tell the whole story, she doesn’t dare. She paints herself as innocent victim, but she is far from that. She is the abuser. She is the user.

She ended up laying on the rocks in my back yard, pissing on herself. I heard her son crying in his room and I went to take care of him. He called for her and I didn’t know what to do so I just brought him to her. He went to her and she puked on him as she breastfed him, my husband rubbing her back and holding her hand, her half naked in front of me. Was she not pouring alcohol into her own son’s mouth through her breast? This is child abuse. I put a blanket on her and left, disgusted, but my husband wouldn’t leave her side. He is kind, but this was not right. This felt wrong in so many levels. I felt invisible to him.

I should have called CPS on her ass. She finally crawled into the living room and puked on my couch. To top it off, her dog got skunked. My husband had to clean up after her and wash the dog. When he finally came to bed he said he was going to check in on her. I gave him an ultimatum and told him if he did that then he can stay there with her. I went off on him on his inappropriate behavior, abandoning me, his own wife, for some fucked up manipulating alcoholic home wrecking bitch who endangers her own son. I was livid!

I found out the next day that my husband had also massaged her feet. Why would he do that? He has never done that with any of my other friends so I am sure he knows about boundaries. I asked him if he had feelings for her and his answer was, “somewhat”. I felt the trauma from the betrayal years ago resurface, punching me in the heart. I couldn’t breathe. It was happening all over again. How could he do this to me after knowing what I have been through with my ex-husband, and after promising me that he would NEVER hurt me?

An emotional affair is just as devastating, if not more, than a physical one. I am completely broken. My confidence in myself is shattered. I am left questioning myself. What is wrong with me? What did I do to make him cheat? Why am I not enough? I feel ugly. I feel less-than. I feel worthless.

The succubus is out of our home now. I am breaking all ties with her. I had given her so many chances, had tried to help her so many times. I did nothing but help her, and she repays me by going behind my back and straight to my husband. She doesn’t love him. She doesn’t even love her own son enough not to spiral down. She doesn’t know what love is or what friendship is. She is self absorbed with her head stuck so far up her own ass all she lives for is her selfishness.

With my trust in my husband shattered, I made him show me the messages between them and was alarmed by how much they chatted with each other. My heart was breaking to see that he communicated with her more than me. I found out that she sent a video of her breast feeding her son. Why would she do that??? Showing him a peep of her body to entice him maybe? She had sent him photos she never sent me. It was all shady how she was connecting with him under the guise of being my friend, but at the same time flirting with him, thanking him for holding her hand and calling him sweet. She had told him stuff to keep from me, “Don’t tell Anna”. She reached out to him to ask help from school. I’ve seen how she does school. She puts the class on her phone and doesn’t pay attention. It’s all for show so she can say she is doing it, but in reality she doesn’t put the effort in. She is the grasshopper freeloading off ants.

My husband bought her a birthday present three days before our anniversary, which he forgot. I am invisible to him. I am alone. I am broken beyond grief. Betrayed again by my husband and someone I thought was my friend. Have I not learned my lesson from the first marriage? Why did I trust again? Why should I trust anyone ever again?

My husband blocked her and said the somewhat feelings he had for her was just pity, but… I want to believe him. I have to believe him or this is over. I am still hurting, but I am working towards forgiveness and rebuilding not just our marriage, but my self confidence. I love him enough for that. I love myself enough for that.

As for her, I don’t think we can be friends anymore. She is a tornado, and when she goes down she drags others along with her. I feel a loss because I genuinely care for her and her son. I hope she learns from this and never touches alcohol again, but I seriously doubt it. Maybe one day we can be friends? Sadly, I miss them, but I don’t need that drama in my life.