I mentioned before how I was thinking of leaving the tech field and maybe getting into Psychology. I even went so far as taking a position as Behavioral Intervention Therapist to help autistic children, but then the Pandemic happened and there wasn’t much coming up as far as seeing clients and actually helping the kids. You can’t do that when you have to stay at home.

I was able to go through the online training, but all the motivation I felt in the beginning pretty much disappeared. It’s almost like I ran into this job as one would run into a rebound after a broken relationship. I really want to love it, but there’s not much to love when there’s nothing available.

I don’t know if I lost motivation because of the pandemic or because I was just trying to remake myself into something I was not. All I know was my experience in tech jaded me, and I was on the verge of giving up. However, some part of me kept applying to tech jobs even though I had told myself no more.

I couldn’t leave tech alone. I had clients who kept needing tech support, and I was glad to give it to them. Ministers who were left in the dark asked me to broadcast them. I helped them go live into the light, and it felt good. It felt good to help people get connected with each other.

I just finished a Round 2 on a technical job interview this morning. The first was very technical with a lot of jargon, and I was sure I failed it. After the first interview I pretty much thought I would never hear from them again. I was shocked to hear I was one of the top candidates for the position. The manager, a woman, wrote me a very beautiful email that I was not expecting. We spoke of fostering diversity, and I felt actually humanized and seen, not invisible. She shared her experience as woman in the field, and I cannot tell you how much it meant to me. She said that through out her whole career, only now has she received resume’s from women and we were only two. My mind flashed back to when I was the only woman in my systems administration class at the extension. It also flashed back to when I was the only girl in my electronics and wood-shop class when I was in junior high. I guess girls like me aren’t many.

Hope is returning, but I don’t want to hope. I don’t want to be disappointed. I just want to push through and know that no matter what the outcome, I did my best.

Meanwhile, I will hold on to this feeling of elation, no matter how fleeting it may be. I will keep on pushing through.